you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We named our party play list daddy issues
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
