dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
