I am puke
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It's just like the Real World with babies
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
