new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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