Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
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