Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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