im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
