Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
farters have to be the big spoon...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
