dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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