we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
