My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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