Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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