seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
