just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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