she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
