Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
