Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
