I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize