i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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