the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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