Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
