I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Two words: blizzard sex
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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