It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
