She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
