Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
and she was petting her beer can
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
