I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
