Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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