After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
