I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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