Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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