Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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