don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
