on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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