You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
