The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
