My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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