im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
