And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
