I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
