Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
