Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
