What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
