I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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