It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
