It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.