What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.