Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!