Texts From Last Night

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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up

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  (413): so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up http://tfl.nu/rtem
  Replies (23) Good night (3657) Bad night (550)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.

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  (905): We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth. http://tfl.nu/mgri
  Replies (5) Good night (6856) Bad night (660)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".

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  (936): I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway". http://tfl.nu/2ye8
  Replies (39) Good night (920) Bad night (3373)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?

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  (303): Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week? http://tfl.nu/361o
  Replies (12) Good night (4021) Bad night (703)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months

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  (763): Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months http://tfl.nu/4w1o
  Replies (3) Good night (1653) Bad night (1158)
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  (661): View more from California

  I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.

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  (661): I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head. http://tfl.nu/035n
  Replies (6) Good night (2587) Bad night (795)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.

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  (865): Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night. http://tfl.nu/cs1a
  Replies (22) Good night (600) Bad night (2852)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  You're welcome.

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  (541): Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes. (1-541): You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/axhz
  Replies (6) Good night (2209) Bad night (517)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.

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  (916): New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know. http://tfl.nu/vjk4
  Replies (1) Good night (1502) Bad night (518)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.

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  (832): Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress. http://tfl.nu/ybr5
  Replies (6) Good night (856) Bad night (1104)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job

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  (805): Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job http://tfl.nu/ohjc
  Replies (15) Good night (1005) Bad night (435)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY

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  (309): QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY http://tfl.nu/578t
  Replies (2) Good night (461) Bad night (205)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.

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  (505): He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself. http://tfl.nu/17i2
  Replies (0) Good night (297) Bad night (479)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.

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  (312): I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again. http://tfl.nu/ffgl
  Replies (0) Good night (268) Bad night (499)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on

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  (607): she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on http://tfl.nu/rygw
  Replies (1) Good night (537) Bad night (154)

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