Princesses don't give blow jobs
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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