didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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