Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.