Texts From Last Night

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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.

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  (505): My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though. http://tfl.nu/1gr0
  Replies (5) Good night (2613) Bad night (627)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza

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  (954): I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza http://tfl.nu/fivz
  Replies (53) Good night (26802) Bad night (2197)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.

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  (313): No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/6118
  Replies (11) Good night (950) Bad night (3935)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed

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  (361): Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed http://tfl.nu/nwxf
  Replies (15) Good night (4249) Bad night (1059)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.

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  (443): I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people. http://tfl.nu/qtnv
  Replies (30) Good night (6639) Bad night (1504)
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?

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  (857): So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month? http://tfl.nu/9rfa
  Replies (6) Good night (1761) Bad night (3867)
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  (213): View more from California

  just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week

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  (213): just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week http://tfl.nu/o3oo
  Replies (15) Good night (1043) Bad night (4121)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.

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  (248): i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina. http://tfl.nu/jhba
  Replies (16) Good night (5078) Bad night (1195)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.

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  (+44): We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in. http://tfl.nu/xqye
  Replies (8) Good night (3942) Bad night (1128)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am

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  (570): she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am http://tfl.nu/vths
  Replies (21) Good night (1440) Bad night (3687)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?

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  (904): But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore? http://tfl.nu/czg8
  Replies (6) Good night (494) Bad night (640)
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  (949): View more from California

  I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library

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  (949): I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library http://tfl.nu/jhv7
  Replies (3) Good night (731) Bad night (368)
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  (315): View more from New York

  The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.

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  (315): The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage. http://tfl.nu/jw7v
  Replies (6) Good night (332) Bad night (909)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"

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  (701): So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?" http://tfl.nu/ca7z
  Replies (1) Good night (437) Bad night (902)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.

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  (314): I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order. http://tfl.nu/1zbf
  Replies (2) Good night (396) Bad night (270)

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