i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
