U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
