I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
