He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
