He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
