I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
