Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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