Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
