I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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