They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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