There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
