I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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