I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
