Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
