It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
