I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
