She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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