dude i'm inner monologue high
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
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His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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