I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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