i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
