So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
