I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
