I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
People in love make me want to vomit
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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