Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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