We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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