Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
