after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
