he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
